[Here comes the point where he has to choose between admitting that he isn't holding anything over Zan's head -- that his fears for Masaki are unfounded and his offer unnecessary as far as Stephen's concerned -- versus seizing this opportunity to learn.
Maybe he can do a little of both.]
Who said I was uninterested? I do have a question for you.
What makes you think Masaki is going to get hurt? As far as I'm aware there's no reason for any of this to bring her to harm. Is there something you know that I don't?
[There. He's probably thrown his chance away...maybe he'll learn something, or maybe it'll turn out that this is a bunch of angst over a nonexistent problem -- and maybe that wouldn't be the worst outcome, to just set this drama to rest instead of stoking it further.]
[He doesn't feel very assured that the terms here are going to be met. There's also the overwhelming urge to be petty after what he's got from this... and because he wants to be.]
There's a lot of things you don't know, Stephen.
[But he does his best to keep it at that. He's doing this for her, not for himself.]
I'm not a human. I'm a conglomeration of states and beings that each require stupid amounts of explanation to begin to go into how they intertwine and what rules they break. One of those points of being is something called a Hollow.
A typical hollow is a soul that's turned into a monster and lost it's heart, leaving them with a ravenous hunger and desire to consume those around starting with anyone they care about most in an impossible effort to fill that void. They're typically stripped of inhibitions and any ability to positively connect with others, making them a raw exposure of the former souls instincts and the like, for which they wear masks to hide their naked ID's.
Obviously, as stated, I don't follow the rules. But that doesn't matter. In my experience, which has never failed to be the case regardless of how supposedly good or kind or close a person claimed to be, a hollow is a hollow in everyone's eyes and therefore a threat, one to be disposed of. None of you here have context to understand any of this, which would make you all the most likely to let it slide, but I'm not holding my breath. If someone from my world shows up, or anyone with a proper understanding, that could change on a dime. And adding to that, I'm clearly not the most likable person.
Thus bringing me to the actual problem here. I can take care of everything myself. I'm more than able to deal with whatever consequences my existence brings me. However, my mother thinks it her duty, to me, and because she would do it for anyone, to defend me where she can and save my skin. Despite everything, I can't seem to convince her to change her mind and so I'm running out of options.
It would not be the first time she'd be hurt on my behalf and that was before any of this. If, metaphorically, I have an army with their weapons pointed at me, she's going to try and dive between. The more attention that is drawn to me, the greater the risk becomes for her. Ergo, the fewer enemies I have the better.
Are you understanding any of this?
[He'd better. He's putting their lives in the hands of some stupid wizard.]
[Stephen reads this and has a lot of feelings about it. First there's surprise that he's gotten such a long letter when he more than half expected a non-answer altogether, and when terms were never technically agreed upon. Then there's a brief scoff at the news that Zangetsu isn't human -- of course he isn't, anyone could see that -- and then --
And then. Dawning horror as Stephen remembers what Masaki told him about Hollows. The threat a Hollow poses, the unfathomable scale of the problem on her home world. Then, worse, the realization that when she'd spoken about Zangetsu's violent tendencies it had been justified as what he must do to fight Hollows -- to fight and kill, as Stephen learns now, his own kind. He doesn't even feel vindicated at the realization that Zangetsu is himself proof that even something like a Hollow can be met with a response other than lethal force. He's too keenly aware that he doesn't know the rules Zangetsu breaks, and too perturbed by this flood of information he'd failed to guess at.]
I understand, but if you think that I'm your enemy or that I'm going to send an army your way, or a native of your world, you have misunderstood. You challenged me to a fight and I challenged you to something else. That doesn't mean I'm out to paint a target on your back.
I don't know what you want from me going forward because I don't see how I've contributed to you having a high profile around here. No more than you have yourself, at least.
You haven't exactly given me the impression that you're not my enemy Stephen. You might not have hunted me down, and yes, it was me who challenged you, but all the same.
I hadn't considered challenging you would bring so much attention, but I think we both know that it did. I'm aware you didn't know any better and that, if anything, I painted the target myself. It was only after this that I came to see she wasn't going to budge on interfering.
A lot of people saw that fight, Stephen, and more saw that bulletin. Even if a few of them have words over your method, they see you and they're going to side with you regardless. At the end of the day, when the chips are down, I'm the monster and you're the hero, and what good or bad any of us does doesn't matter.
You told me, when you went in my head, that believing you proved I was the bastard in all of this. I fought you because I wanted to prove to John as much as myself or anyone that you're not a hero. That you're just like everyone else and as soon as there's a justifiable target, it all goes out the window. But that was stupid and yes, I can in fact admit it was a mistake. I hadn't considered Mom would get involved but I'm considering now. This is damage control.
The only thing I can do is keep out of public view as much as possible. If I stay low for long enough I might manage. But you tend to have a habit of talking about me when I'm not there. I've seen it on the board and heard it from Mom enough. I can guess it doesn't stop there.
It's pretty simple what I'm asking. Let all this go and help me slip back under the radar. At least until I can get back where I'm supposed to be and all of this stops being a problem. She's home safe, I'm doing my job, and no one sees me again. No one's at a loss for it.
If you think anyone other than John thinks of me as a hero or that anyone here wouldn't be glad to point out my mistakes, you really haven't been paying attention. And stop setting yourself up as my enemy; I didn't even know you were supposed to be a monster until you told me so yourself. Every objection I've had to you has been about you being an annoying teenager. I've fought real monsters and our little duel wasn't it.
And to clarify, I only ever projected my voice into your mind, and I did it while I was not of sound mind myself. It is true that I owe you an apology for the attempt to frighten you. I believed myself to be operating at normal mental capacity but in hindsight it has been very clear to me that was not the case. I apologize for that.
I'm not interested in creating problems for you, but I'm also not interested in taking the blame for problems you created for yourself. You want to slip back under the radar, I'll let you slip back under the radar, but don't blame me if it doesn't work out that way. I think you're underestimating people's memories, and overestimating how much they care.
I don't have any power right now, of course you don't think our fight was anything. I was speaking in general, which also applies to you.
And I didn't care about your projection. It pissed me off more that you justified yourself and pinned it on me, but my fighting you was more about proving to John than it was to do with you.
We've already established you didn't know any better, so what am I supposed to blame you for there? But I'm not overestimating a thing. I used to think that it wouldn't be like this, that I could reason with people, and I was proven otherwise every time without exception. That's not a fear bias, that's facts. It's a delusion, a dangerous one, and it's not one I'm going to be entertaining any more.
As for their memory, well, you tell me if you can think of something better because I've got nothing.
Are you going to let all this slide or not? Because if yes, then I've only got one more thing to ask and then you can ask what you like or we can be out of one another's hair; can you keep a secret? Because it would be a real pain in the ass to go through all this trouble only to have everyone find out my potential diet anyway.
This is all completely ridiculous and I didn't ask to be part of it. You also need to learn how to strike a bargain without giving away your one and only bargaining chip before you even start making demands.
Yes, I'll keep your secret. No, I won't continue keeping it if you drag me into more of your arguments to prove some idiotic point. How's that for a bargain?
It was Mom's suggestion to be more open. I'm trying it. Never said I thought it was a good idea.
Besides, I started with the offer before I gave you anything. Would you have really bothered to listen at all if I hadn't just given what I did? Or would you have made some sarcastic remark to imply what a stupid teenager you think I am? You don't have to answer that I already know.
To clarify, finally telling me what all of this was about (if this is even your final version of your reasons) wasn't the stupid part. The stupid part was being an asshole to everyone around you, challenging me to a fight, and then complaining about the results. But maybe that's just your nature.
I can't say for you, but I'm done. I've been ready to be done for a while now.
Complaining about results is both over-simplifying and hypocritical of you. The fighting and other parts, yeah, that's pretty much my nature.
Well, I won't say it's something I've seen much of, and I don't know what got you to start thinking otherwise half the time, but apparently some people think you're a hero. However little I think of people, I know the type. Probably better than you do. All I'm saying is, when you put your ego down for two seconds, I can kind of start to see what those people are talking about.
Let me know if you're feeling like you want more out of this deal.
[And with that, unless Stephen does have more to say, he'll not send another thing.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
A day or two later
Date: 2018-10-13 03:03 am (UTC)So you do concede after all?
[Yeah, maybe that "you didn't win" part didn't go over so well, Zan.]
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 03:13 am (UTC)And maybe he himself is an idiot to have tried.]
Guess I should take this to mean you're uninterested. Fine with me. Nice talk.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 03:34 am (UTC)Maybe he can do a little of both.]
Who said I was uninterested? I do have a question for you.
What makes you think Masaki is going to get hurt? As far as I'm aware there's no reason for any of this to bring her to harm. Is there something you know that I don't?
[There. He's probably thrown his chance away...maybe he'll learn something, or maybe it'll turn out that this is a bunch of angst over a nonexistent problem -- and maybe that wouldn't be the worst outcome, to just set this drama to rest instead of stoking it further.]
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 04:02 am (UTC)There's a lot of things you don't know, Stephen.
[But he does his best to keep it at that. He's doing this for her, not for himself.]
I'm not a human. I'm a conglomeration of states and beings that each require stupid amounts of explanation to begin to go into how they intertwine and what rules they break. One of those points of being is something called a Hollow.
A typical hollow is a soul that's turned into a monster and lost it's heart, leaving them with a ravenous hunger and desire to consume those around starting with anyone they care about most in an impossible effort to fill that void. They're typically stripped of inhibitions and any ability to positively connect with others, making them a raw exposure of the former souls instincts and the like, for which they wear masks to hide their naked ID's.
Obviously, as stated, I don't follow the rules. But that doesn't matter. In my experience, which has never failed to be the case regardless of how supposedly good or kind or close a person claimed to be, a hollow is a hollow in everyone's eyes and therefore a threat, one to be disposed of. None of you here have context to understand any of this, which would make you all the most likely to let it slide, but I'm not holding my breath. If someone from my world shows up, or anyone with a proper understanding, that could change on a dime. And adding to that, I'm clearly not the most likable person.
Thus bringing me to the actual problem here. I can take care of everything myself. I'm more than able to deal with whatever consequences my existence brings me. However, my mother thinks it her duty, to me, and because she would do it for anyone, to defend me where she can and save my skin. Despite everything, I can't seem to convince her to change her mind and so I'm running out of options.
It would not be the first time she'd be hurt on my behalf and that was before any of this. If, metaphorically, I have an army with their weapons pointed at me, she's going to try and dive between. The more attention that is drawn to me, the greater the risk becomes for her. Ergo, the fewer enemies I have the better.
Are you understanding any of this?
[He'd better. He's putting their lives in the hands of some stupid wizard.]
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 04:20 am (UTC)And then. Dawning horror as Stephen remembers what Masaki told him about Hollows. The threat a Hollow poses, the unfathomable scale of the problem on her home world. Then, worse, the realization that when she'd spoken about Zangetsu's violent tendencies it had been justified as what he must do to fight Hollows -- to fight and kill, as Stephen learns now, his own kind. He doesn't even feel vindicated at the realization that Zangetsu is himself proof that even something like a Hollow can be met with a response other than lethal force. He's too keenly aware that he doesn't know the rules Zangetsu breaks, and too perturbed by this flood of information he'd failed to guess at.]
I understand, but if you think that I'm your enemy or that I'm going to send an army your way, or a native of your world, you have misunderstood. You challenged me to a fight and I challenged you to something else. That doesn't mean I'm out to paint a target on your back.
I don't know what you want from me going forward because I don't see how I've contributed to you having a high profile around here. No more than you have yourself, at least.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 04:46 am (UTC)I hadn't considered challenging you would bring so much attention, but I think we both know that it did. I'm aware you didn't know any better and that, if anything, I painted the target myself. It was only after this that I came to see she wasn't going to budge on interfering.
A lot of people saw that fight, Stephen, and more saw that bulletin. Even if a few of them have words over your method, they see you and they're going to side with you regardless. At the end of the day, when the chips are down, I'm the monster and you're the hero, and what good or bad any of us does doesn't matter.
You told me, when you went in my head, that believing you proved I was the bastard in all of this. I fought you because I wanted to prove to John as much as myself or anyone that you're not a hero. That you're just like everyone else and as soon as there's a justifiable target, it all goes out the window. But that was stupid and yes, I can in fact admit it was a mistake. I hadn't considered Mom would get involved but I'm considering now. This is damage control.
The only thing I can do is keep out of public view as much as possible. If I stay low for long enough I might manage. But you tend to have a habit of talking about me when I'm not there. I've seen it on the board and heard it from Mom enough. I can guess it doesn't stop there.
It's pretty simple what I'm asking. Let all this go and help me slip back under the radar. At least until I can get back where I'm supposed to be and all of this stops being a problem. She's home safe, I'm doing my job, and no one sees me again. No one's at a loss for it.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 05:20 am (UTC)And to clarify, I only ever projected my voice into your mind, and I did it while I was not of sound mind myself. It is true that I owe you an apology for the attempt to frighten you. I believed myself to be operating at normal mental capacity but in hindsight it has been very clear to me that was not the case. I apologize for that.
I'm not interested in creating problems for you, but I'm also not interested in taking the blame for problems you created for yourself. You want to slip back under the radar, I'll let you slip back under the radar, but don't blame me if it doesn't work out that way. I think you're underestimating people's memories, and overestimating how much they care.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 05:41 am (UTC)And I didn't care about your projection. It pissed me off more that you justified yourself and pinned it on me, but my fighting you was more about proving to John than it was to do with you.
We've already established you didn't know any better, so what am I supposed to blame you for there? But I'm not overestimating a thing. I used to think that it wouldn't be like this, that I could reason with people, and I was proven otherwise every time without exception. That's not a fear bias, that's facts. It's a delusion, a dangerous one, and it's not one I'm going to be entertaining any more.
As for their memory, well, you tell me if you can think of something better because I've got nothing.
Are you going to let all this slide or not? Because if yes, then I've only got one more thing to ask and then you can ask what you like or we can be out of one another's hair; can you keep a secret? Because it would be a real pain in the ass to go through all this trouble only to have everyone find out my potential diet anyway.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 05:56 am (UTC)Yes, I'll keep your secret. No, I won't continue keeping it if you drag me into more of your arguments to prove some idiotic point. How's that for a bargain?
no subject
Date: 2018-10-13 06:02 am (UTC)Besides, I started with the offer before I gave you anything. Would you have really bothered to listen at all if I hadn't just given what I did? Or would you have made some sarcastic remark to imply what a stupid teenager you think I am? You don't have to answer that I already know.
The bargain's fine with me. I can work with that.
Did you want anything more or are we done here?
no subject
Date: 2018-10-18 06:11 pm (UTC)I can't say for you, but I'm done. I've been ready to be done for a while now.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-18 10:17 pm (UTC)Well, I won't say it's something I've seen much of, and I don't know what got you to start thinking otherwise half the time, but apparently some people think you're a hero. However little I think of people, I know the type. Probably better than you do. All I'm saying is, when you put your ego down for two seconds, I can kind of start to see what those people are talking about.
Let me know if you're feeling like you want more out of this deal.
[And with that, unless Stephen does have more to say, he'll not send another thing.]