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[thewarningafter]

@beyonce

You've reached Dr. Stephen Strange. Leave a message and my secretary will get back to you.

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audio | cw CPR injuries; failed resuscitation

[thewarningafter]

[The relief -- joy, even -- of the news about Peter this morning has been eclipsed by the sudden loss of Rocket. Stephen's desperate attempts at resuscitation out in the blistering cold had left them with nothing more than renewed stiffness in Stephen's hands and a memory of the sound of the crack of ribs. Stephen has been turning the bottle of Vicodin over and over in his hands as he sits apart from the vigil set by Bluestar. Peter deserves to know what happened, but in his cowardice it's not Stephen who called to deliver the news.

He should have expected a call like this one.]

I don't know.

[The rattle of the pills is audible, a nearly constant background noise. Stephen knows this, but he doesn't stop, doesn't put the bottle away. He's run over what happened so many times since they reached shelter, but there's not an answer to be found. Aneurysm, maybe, but what good does guessing do them?]

I'm sorry, Peter, I just -- I don't know.

[zunesareawesome]

[I just don't know.

We exhausted all our treatment options.

She only has a few months left.

We don't know what else to do.

Peter bites back the tears, but he can't, it's too much. He's eight years old again and looking up at a doctor who's tellling him that there's nothing they could do.]

You should have saved him! That's what you're supposed to do! Why couldn't you save him!?

[His voice is raw, like gravel. It's not fair to Stephen, he doesn't even know how hard he tried, but he can't reason it out.]

[thewarningafter]

Because I can't do this, Peter!

[Stephen finds himself raising his voice even as he knows full well that this won't help anything. The hurt is just welling up inside him, though, the pain of failing Peter dragged out raw all over again in the aftermath of failing Rocket as well.]

What do you want me to say? I don't know what killed him; I don't even know what intervention he needed because I have nothing, Peter. I'm literally handing out bandaids!

[zunesareawesome]

[Despite never admitting it out loud, Peter does look up to him. And this just made him realize how very human Stephen was.]

I don't know! You're supposed to be the smart guy! You're a doctor, you're a wizard, you wielded an infinity stone, if anyone could have figured it out it should have been YOU!

[Stephen was a very convenient outlet for his pain right now. It was a lot easier to think about than the blame he was assigning himself. He should have been there. Oh God, what if...

The anger's marred by his lack of focus, and his rage suddenly disappears. His voice cracks, laced with sorrow.]

Was it...did what happened to me d-do something to him? Like stress his heart?

[thewarningafter]

Oh, Peter -- no. No....

[None of the abuse Peter is throwing his way is anything Stephen hasn't already directed at himself. Neurosurgeon, master of the mystic arts, supposed future Sorcerer Supreme -- none of it's worth anything right now.]

He was happy. We were all happy. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

[It hurts too much not to say even when he knows how much it'll hurt to hear.]

[zunesareawesome]

[He was happy. We were all happy.

It did hurt. But Rocket did know he was back, alive again, and that was one small comfort in all of this. He pinches the bridge of his nose, his shoulders shuddering. The tears flow freely, on one hand he shouldn't be doing this in front of Stephen, on he other, he couldn't help it. Just...everything, it was too much.

If Rocket didn't come back...]

I'm...

[He can't keep the emotion out of his voice, it shakes and wavers and finally breaks into a sob.] I'm so sorry. Shoulda been there.

[thewarningafter]

[Stephen's breath hitches and his eyes shine, but he doesn't join in. Keep your shit together. He hasn't been doing a great job of that so far.]

It's not your fault, Peter. You didn't make this happen; none of us could have known.

[Except Stephen. If something was that desperately wrong, he should have known.]

[zunesareawesome]

[It's not your fault.

It takes a long moment before he can answer again, Peter wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve and tries to keep his voice level.]

What if, though? Why'd we come here? If it was just me, then yeah, maybe it's a fluke. But how'd Rocket even come here? Gamora? Maybe we did something back home, I mean, maybe I don't even remember, flew into an uncharted wormhole or pissed off the wrong person...? Oh God, what if it was the Sovereign? They want us dead, Rocket stole the batteries. What if it's some weird side-effect of the Infinity Stones, and that's why you're here too--

[His lack of focus is not helping this at all.]

[thewarningafter]

Peter -- no. It's not anything we did. If it was anything we did, why would House be here? He doesn't know an Infinity Stone from his own asshole.

This wasn't you. This wasn't any of us. This place just...worms its way into one dimension or another and takes whoever it can.

[zunesareawesome]

[It takes him a second to calm down after Stephen's words sink in. Right. Right, it...yeah.]

But why? Why'd it have to take us? Them!? WHY?!

[He's not demanding an answer, he just...feels like yelling into the void.]

[thewarningafter]

[There's no answer Stephen can give. There isn't any reason that he can see, no answer that would ever satisfy. No meaning to it. He lets out a haggard sigh, and when he replies, it's not entirely facetious.]

Because it's an asshole.

[zunesareawesome]

[For some reason it strikes Peter, and he starts laughing, even though he doesn't actually want to. It's not a happy laugh.]

That's it. We're just gonna die here or have everything we are ripped into tiny little pieces, because this place is an asshole. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and decided to ruin a few dozen lives. No biggie. Let's kill off their friends, freeze them a few times, make them kill each other, won't that be hilarious?

[A pause, he wipes his nose.]

I wouldn't be surprised if something was running this place. Doing this to us on purpose.

[thewarningafter]

[There's a soft thump as Stephen lets his head fall back against the wall with an unseen grimace. He can't help. He doesn't know how to help Peter when he doesn't even know how to help himself.]

So we hit it back. We don't let it just...do this to us. We stay together, we stay strong, and we hit it back when we reach the center.

[zunesareawesome]

[Getting aggressive? Fighting back against something that hurt you? That, he understands better.]

Hit it back. [It's not a question, he's just repeating. But there's a nod.] We'll hit it back.

[thewarningafter]

[And that's why Stephen phrased it that way. Fighting almost certainly isn't what needs to happen, but if the drive to fight it keeps Peter from tipping over into the deep end....]

We've just got to hold it together until we can.

[zunesareawesome]

[Hopefully that would be soon. But if he could last a thousand fake-years...though what it did to him as a result...he pushes the thought away.]

We'll hold it together. You're too annoyingly stubborn to let it beat you. [A compliment? Sorta?]

[thewarningafter]

I could say the same about you. I would say the same about you.

[zunesareawesome]

Thanks. I think. [That gets a real smile, at least, through the haze of sadness, even if it's a small one.]

[thewarningafter]

You're welcome. I think.